saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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