btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
