I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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