They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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