make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
