its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
