And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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