with your own penis?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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