I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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