I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
