Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
