Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
