Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have fence marks all over my body
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
