Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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