I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
