After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
