good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
