i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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