We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
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Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
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We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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