i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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