i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
