She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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