he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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