I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
