sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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