Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
