I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
