batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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