it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
