You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
