I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
