I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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