If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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