Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
