walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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