Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
