Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
