im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
