He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
