so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
