So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
