i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
