smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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