she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
