You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
