Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
