u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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