i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
