Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
