that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Randomize
