I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
