I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
