I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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