can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
