I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
