Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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