Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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