So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
