she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Fuck appropriateness.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
