Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
