Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
