just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
did i just pee glitter
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize