Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize