My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
