mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
