The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type