I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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