forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
