I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.