I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
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Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT