Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
