i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
