I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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