omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My underwear smells like fireworks.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
