You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize