Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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