Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
