i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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