U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
