Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
