This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
