Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
