Me. At least after what I've been through.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
