When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
