I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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