u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
