I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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